Poetry For Our Time

Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason. -Novalis

I guess I’ll go first this week :]

with 8 comments

so the other day in school was apparently an excellent writing day for me..

I got a lot written and I was suprisingly proud of it.

but you still only get one at a time.

 

this is probably among my favorite things I’ve ever done.

tell me what you think it’s about because no one has figured it out yet.

—————————————————————

 

I stare down from where I stand

and see a thousand faceless people

who are not afraid to drown.

Has it ever crossed their minds,

they could be gambling with their lives?

they don’t even stand a chance.

 

I watch them as they plunge

Into the darkness, one by one

and then keep coming back for more.

 

As they stand in line to take their fall,

I try to see a face, any face.

But every person looks the same,

Nameless and alone.

 

I wonder what they’re thinking

as they prepare themselves to fall.

Are they nervous?  Are they scared?

Can they feel anything at all?

A thousand faceless people,

and not one afraid to drown?

They make it seem so easy,

One by one, I watch them fall.

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Written by saraj2300

April 7, 2009 at 7:13 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

8 Responses

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  1. I don’t know why, but the first image I got was souls drifting around the river Styx, but I guess that wouldn’t make any sense because these people are afraid of drowning.

    Why is this the favorite thing you’ve ever done? Not saying it shouldn’t be, just curious. 🙂

    Ashley

    April 8, 2009 at 1:19 am

    • hahaha i’ll explain what it’s about after i see if any one else can get it.

      and i’m just really proud of it..
      i’ve always wanted to write something that people can find their own personal meaning in without the true meaning being completely obvious.

      and this definitely does that.
      so i was really excited when i wrote it 😛

      saraj2300

      April 8, 2009 at 1:50 am

      • Hmm… then I guess it doesn’t really matter what it means to you, but it matters what it means to me? I like it. Still curious, though.

        Suggestion: I think this could benefit from a few more concrete images. I think you could make it seriously haunting. I mean, it is already, but you could take it even further.

        Do you ever listen to Andrew Bird? He has the same philosophy on music, which is why he writes nonsense lyrics. His stuff is beautiful.

        Ashley

        April 8, 2009 at 2:10 am

        • that’s exactly what i wanted.
          so i’m really glad you understand 😀
          i actually wanted to send it to you the day i wrote it..
          but i’m not good at facebook and didn’t think to just email it..

          as of right now it’s just a first draft.
          i’d like to go back and add to it a little bit.

          i’ve never heard of Andrew Bird.
          but i’ll definitely check him out 😀

          saraj2300

          April 8, 2009 at 7:58 am

  2. I guess I’m a more literal person…I saw a lifeguard watching people line up to jump off the diving board. I kind of liked the idea of this macabre voice considering a fun, loud summer activity with such calm, petrifying quiet.

    I do agree with Ashley, too. More concrete images. Even if it is a very vague poem, there are a lot of ways to add very real detail. Even something bizarre can contort the scene into something more sinister…or if you don’t want to add detail to the actual scene, add detail in metaphor.

    Chels

    April 11, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    • holy crap..
      you’re the first person who actually got it.
      well, for the most part.

      it was about how one night i was working and they had me in the waterpark standing on top of the water slide and i was watching all the people swimming and going down the slide. 😛

      saraj2300

      April 13, 2009 at 6:17 am

      • Well shoot. That was just too easy.

        😉

        Ashley

        April 13, 2009 at 3:20 pm

      • In that case, I think you should totally play up the creepiness of such a fun activity. I mean, the first few lines are just awesome: “I stare down from where I stand / and see a thousand faceless people / who are not afraid to drown.” Yikes. I might strip away the parts that are very literally about working at a water slide and play up some eerie metaphor or images.

        And glad I got it!

        cd40

        April 17, 2009 at 3:20 am


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